Two and a Half Men Episode Guide

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Episode Guide

Two and a Half Men: Season 7 (2009)

Two and a Half Men: Season 6 (2008 - 2009)

Two and a Half Men: Season 5 (2007 - 2008)

Two and a Half Men: Season 4 (2006 - 2007)

Two and a Half Men: Season 3 (2005 - 2006)

  • Season 3 Episode 24: That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

    Charlie and Mia begin to make wedding arrangements, but things fall apart when their families meet, leading them to consider running off and marrying in Las Vegas. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 3 Episode 23: Arguments for the Quickie

    Mia arrives back in town with her troupe and asks Charlie to come and see her perform. Despite being reluctant he goes along, but once there she makes a strange request of him - and he asks something of her too. Starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 3 Episode 22: Just Once With Aunt Sophie

    A girl from Jake's school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Alan and Charlie try to help him prepare for it by offering advice, but become nostalgic about their own first ones. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 3 Episode 21: And the Plot Moistens

    Jake's teacher calls a meeting with Charlie and Judith to discuss the youngster's lack of interest at school. Meanwhile, Alan starts to fall for Francine upon realising his relationship with girlfriend Kandi is missing something. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 3 Episode 20: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

    Alan tries to win Kandi back, and Charlie takes a shine to her mother. Meanwhile, Judith is set up with Kandi's father, Andy. Guest starring Kevin Sorbo, Gail O'Grady and April Bowlby

  • Season 3 Episode 19: Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

    Charlie is unhappy to learn that Kandi has been living with Alan in his house for the past three weeks - especially since he himself has been going through a spell of bad luck with women. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 3 Episode 18: The Spit-Covered Cobbler

    Alan encounters financial problems when he starts paying for all his girlfriend's bills, and gets into trouble with Judith for not paying his alimony cheque on time. Comedy, starring Jon Cryer and Charlie Sheen

  • Season 3 Episode 17: The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

    When Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, he decides to boycott the ceremony, having lost several years in a row to a rival. The rest of the family try to con him into going. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen

  • Season 3 Episode 16: Ergo, The Booty Call

    Alan has trouble deciding whether he should take his much younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party, afraid his former wife Judith will not approve. Meanwhile, Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie. Starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 3 Episode 15: My Tongue is Meat

    Mia chides Charlie for his unhealthy diet, addiction to cigars and fondness for alcohol, making him so resentful that he begins to question whether he is really in love with her. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Emmanuelle Vaugier

  • Season 3 Episode 14: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

    Charlie is desperate to consummate his relationship with Mia so he arranges a romantic date. However, his oversexed ex-girlfriend Kandi throws a spanner in the works. Starring Charlie Sheen and Emmanuelle Vaugier

  • Season 3 Episode 13: Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

    Charlie finds it difficult to deal with a relationship that is not based on sex, so when he makes an inappropriate proposal towards Mia, their chaste relationship takes a turn for the worse. Starring Charlie Sheen and Emmanuelle Vaugier

  • Season 3 Episode 12: That Special Tug

    Alan becomes convinced that Jake doesn't want to spend any time with him, so Charlie dates a psychiatrist in the hope that she might help his brother deal with his insecurities. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 3 Episode 11: Santa's Village of the Damned

    When Alan dates a cookery teacher with a Martha Stewart complex, he and Charlie gain weight, and it is not long before she is running the house with an obsession for perfection. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 3 Episode 10: Something Salted and Twisted

    Alan begins to see himself in a new light, and vows to a sceptical Charlie that he is no longer going to grovel for approval from his mother and the other women in his life. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 3 Episode 9: Madame and Her Special Friend

    One of Charlie's elderly neighbours becomes romantically interested in Alan, while Charlie tries to prevent Jake giving money to a TV evangelist. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer. With guest star Cloris Leachman

  • Season 3 Episode 8: That Voodoo That I Do Do

    Charlie's romantic advances are rejected by a teacher - forcing him to prove to Alan he can attain a date from the woman, but Jake becomes infatuated with her after joining her ballet classes. Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones star

  • Season 3 Episode 7: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

    Charlie wakes up with Rose the night after her birthday party. Her irate father is quickly on the scene demanding to know what the future holds for the couple, but is interrupted when Evelyn unexpectedly shows up. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones, with guest star Martin Sheen

  • Season 3 Episode 6: Hi, Mr Horned One

    Charlie continues to date an attractive Satan worshipper - despite Alan's warnings - but when she threatens to put a curse on his manhood, he sees sense. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Jodi Lyn O'Keefe

  • Season 3 Episode 5: We Called It Mr Pinky

    Rose tells Charlie he is unable to sustain a lasting relationship with a woman because of his attitude to his mother, while Jake seeks advice about a girl at school. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 3 Episode 4: Your Dismissive Attitude Towards Boobs

    Berta temporarily moves into the beach house with Charlie and Alan, causing tension to arise between the two men, and convincing Alan to find his own apartment. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Conchata Ferrell

  • Season 3 Episode 3: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

    Charlie is curious about Alan's mysterious love life - until he finds out his brother has been seeing his former wife Judith. He later admits to Rose that he is scared he will miss Jake if the couple patch up their differences and start again. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 3 Episode 2: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

    Jake gets into trouble at school when he draws a picture of one of his classmates, and Alan is summoned by the principal. Meanwhile, Charlie starts work at the chiropractor's office and promptly hires a masseuse. Starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 3 Episode 1: Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

    Alan injures himself falling from the roof, forcing Charlie to look after nephew Jake for the weekend - until he finds his social life compromised. Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer star

Two and a Half Men: Season 2 (2004 - 2005)

  • Season 2 Episode 24: Does This Smell Funny to You?

    Charlie sleeps with a young woman, oblivious to the fact she is married to an elderly man. Jake's teacher asks him to write a report of his weekend and he describes how the man showed up at the apartment looking for his wife, but the story veers some way from what really happened. Last in series

  • Season 2 Episode 23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

    Evelyn hears that Jake has been spending a lot of time with his other grandparents and demands he stay with her for a night. Alan is horrified at the prospect of his son getting the same treatment he did, so Charlie tries to take his mind off things - with help from a female volleyball team

  • Season 2 Episode 22: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

    Evelyn sets Alan up with her boyfriend's daughter, who is on a weekend pass from a rehab centre. However, their encounter soon spirals into chaos and finally results in his brand new sports car being involved in a televised high-speed chase. Comedy, starring Jon Cryer and Charlie Sheen

  • Season 2 Episode 21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

    Evelyn discovers her second husband Harry has died and is pleased when Alan agrees to attend the funeral with her - until she finds out the pair had stayed in contact. Jake expresses his excitement at seeing a dead body, while Charlie looks forward to the prospect of meeting a recently bereaved widow

  • Season 2 Episode 20: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

    Judith bills Alan for a pair of expensive shoes she bought Jake, and Evelyn harasses Charlie for not keeping in contact. Peeved and generally aggrieved, the brothers take their frustrations out on each other. Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer star

  • Season 2 Episode 19: A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

    The Harpers bump into Charlie's former girlfriend Sherri in a cafe and Alan takes an immediate shine to her, but can't get over her former relationship with his brother. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 2 Episode 18: It Was Mame, Mom

    Charlie is eager to impress at a party thrown by gay advertising executive Eric, and asks Alan to pretend to be his partner. However, when the host's beautiful former wife makes an appearance, his cover is soon blown. Guest starring Lucy Lawless, with Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 2 Episode 17: Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!

    Charlie injures his back and refuses to let his chiropractor brother help him. Seeking medical advice, he finds out his new doctor is a beautiful woman - but does not realise they have met before. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 2 Episode 16: Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

    Judith goes on holiday, leaving Alan to take care of Jake, but things do not go according to plan, meaning it is Charlie who becomes responsible for getting the youngster to school. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen

  • Season 2 Episode 15: Smell the Umbrella Stand

    Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure he is facing, so Charlie persuades him a trip to Las Vegas would take his mind off the operation. However, things take a turn for the worse and they end up staying at home

  • Season 2 Episode 14: Those Big Pink Things with Coconut

    Evelyn attempts to undermine Jake's confidence by playing down his recent academic achievements. When Alan tries to cut her out of their lives, she resorts to emotional blackmail to regain their attention

  • Season 2 Episode 13: Zejdz z Moich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)

    Judith's home is damaged in an earthquake, prompting Alan to let her stay in the beach house. However, Charlie can't stand having her around, and pays an attractive woman to date his brother in an effort to drive her away. Starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 2 Episode 12: A Lungful of Alan

    One of Alan's former school friends visits, and proves to have blossomed into a beautiful woman. It is not long before both brothers are competing for her affections - but she has an agenda of her own. Jon Cryer and Marin Hinkle star

  • Season 2 Episode 11: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

    Charlie cannot understand why women have suddenly started rejecting his advances - until he discovers someone has set up a website dedicated to exposing him as a low-life Lothario. Determined to find out who's responsible, he begins contacting his former partners

  • Season 2 Episode 10: The Salmon Under My Sweater

    Rose shows her true colours when Alan spends more time with her, and Charlie writes the theme song for a cartoon based on one of Jake's favourite comics. However, the youngster does not think the music is right for the project

  • Season 2 Episode 9: Yes, Monsignor

    Charlie bumps into a woman he once considered marrying. He is overjoyed to learn her marriage has come to an end, but his desire to rekindle their romance is cooled by the discovery she has a baby. Denise Richards guest stars

  • Season 2 Episode 8: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers

    Alan dates a new girlfriend who fulfils his every sexual fantasy. At first Charlie is happy for his brother - until he finds himself forced to take responsibility for looking after a neglected Jake, and resolves to end the relationship any way he can

  • Season 2 Episode 7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

    Charlie and Alan try to set Jake a good example by throwing a party for their mother, hoping it will teach him to be more respectful towards Judith. Berta's sister Daisy is hired to cater, but makes the event memorable for all the wrong reasons

  • Season 2 Episode 6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

    Jake's grandmother tells him that Alan was caught shoplifting as a child, a crime he still has no memory of committing. When Charlie finally admits he planted the stolen goods on him, Evelyn has to step in to heal the rift between the brothers. Starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

    Tuesday 15th December 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)
  • Season 2 Episode 5: Bad News from the Clinic

    Charlie starts going out with a female version of himself but does not like the way she treats him. Meanwhile, Alan tries to instill a sense of discipline into Jake in an attempt to improve his homework habits. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

    Monday 14th December 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)
  • Season 2 Episode 4: Go Get Mommy's Bra

    Jake forms a bond with Judith's new boyfriend, who has a boat and a pool. He promises to teach him to snorkel and scuba-dive, but things turn sour when the relationship ends

    Friday 11th December 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)
  • Season 2 Episode 3: A Bag Full of Jawea

    Jake faces suspension from school, so Charlie tries to help by romancing his teacher Miss Pasternak. However, when he decides to end the relationship for his nephew's sake, he is not prepared for the repercussions. Starring Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones

    Thursday 10th December 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)
  • Season 2 Episode 2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

    Alan is encouraged by Charlie to return a keepsake he stole from Judith during their divorce. In doing so, he learns she has a new boyfriend - a revelation that makes him even more depressed. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

    Wednesday 9th December 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)
  • Season 2 Episode 1: Back Off, Mary Poppins

    Alan is upset when Charlie asks him to keep out the the way while his friends come over. He is further put out to learn all his old chums are at his former wife's house, leaving him alone - except for his brother's readily available stalker, who tries to cheer him up

    Tuesday 8th December 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)

Two and a Half Men: Season 1 (2003 - 2004)

  • Season 1 Episode 24: Can You Feel My Finger?

    Charlie makes a doctor's appointment for a vasectomy - but decides to freeze some sperm in case he ever wants children. However, the simple procedure of producing a sample seems destined to fail as his family and friends manage to thwart one attempt after another. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen

    Monday 7th December 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)
  • Season 1 Episode 23: Just Like Buffalo

    Jake's inappropriate remarks at a meeting of Judith's divorcee support group prompt his furious mother to tell Alan she does not want her son living with Charlie any longer. The womanising musician goes to the next meeting and struggles to convince the ladies he has a good influence on his nephew

    Today at 7:00pm EST - WPIX (CW)
  • Season 1 Episode 22: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

    Alan starts sleepwalking, and Charlie feels duty-bound to cure him. Meanwhile, Jake starts seeing a therapist. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones

  • Season 1 Episode 21: No Sniffing, No Wowing

    Charlie forms a relationship with Alan's divorce attorney, whose demands quickly become excessive even for the womanising musician - but the short-lived flirtation threatens to jeopardise his brother's chances of obtaining the settlement he wants. Comedy, guest starring Heather Locklear and Charlie Sheen

  • Season 1 Episode 20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    Judith suggests that Jake see a therapist to help him get over his parents' divorce. Charlie and Alan aren't convinced the split is to blame for the boy's mood, while Evelyn uses the situation as an excuse to offload her own resentment. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones

  • Season 1 Episode 19: I Remember the Coat Room, I Just Don't Remember You

    Judith's sister Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher) turns up at Jake's birthday party, to the delight of Charlie, who remembers her from a previous encounter. Humiliatingly, it seems she does not recall him - and worse, is determined to seduce Alan. Meanwhile, Rose goes to a wedding in a clown costume

  • Season 1 Episode 18: An Old Flame with a New Wick

    Charlie agrees to meet an old flame, but is stunned to learn his former girlfriend, Jill, is now a man. The shock does not end there as Evelyn turns her attentions to her son's 'new' friend. As a relationship blossoms, the rest of the family waits to see how she will handle the inevitable revelation

  • Season 1 Episode 17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    Charlie is furious when Alan decides to make his cousins Jake's guardians in the event of his death - but when the boy hurts himself playing basketball, the bachelor sees an opportunity to prove his worth. Judith provides her ex-husband with a lengthy list of legal demands. Comedy, starring Jon Cryer

  • Season 1 Episode 16: That Was Saliva, Alan

    Part two of two. Frankie reveals the reason she and daughter Joanie are on the run. Alan feels aggrieved by his mother's assumption that their guest is sleeping with Charlie, but cheers up once it becomes apparent Frankie's interested in him

  • Season 1 Episode 15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    Part one of two. Charlie falls for crazy woman Frankie (guest star Jenna Elfman) whom he sees smashing up a car. Despite a worried Alan's protests, Frankie comes home with the pair - leading to a battle for her affections between the brothers

  • Season 1 Episode 14: I Can't Afford Hyenas

    Charlie finds his debts are mounting, and is forced to start budgeting. He soon realises the only solution to his financial crisis is to ask mother Evelyn for a loan. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Holland Taylor

  • Season 1 Episode 13: Sara Like Puny Alan

    A long-time crush of Charlie's finally agrees to go on a date with him, as long as she can bring her sister - who will also need an escort. Alan is persuaded to step in, even though he's caught flu from Jake, but the entire evening is soon jeopardised. Comedy, starring Jon Cryer

  • Season 1 Episode 12: Camel Filters and Pheromones

    Charlie meets Berta's granddaughter Prudence, who quickly takes an unwanted interest in him. He asks Rose to pretend she is still his girlfriend as a cover - but the lovelorn old flame takes her role a little too seriously. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen

  • Season 1 Episode 11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    Alan is devastated to learn Judith has found a new boyfriend, and begins to wallow in gloom. To help boost his confidence, Charlie and Jake try to give him a makeover, but eventually admit defeat and bring in a gay man to choose the perfect outfit

  • Season 1 Episode 10: Merry Thanksgiving

    Charlie is taken aback to learn his former girlfriend Lisa is getting married and resolves to prove he is a better family man than her fiance by organising a Thanksgiving get-together. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Holland Taylor and Angus T Jones. Guest starring Denise Richards

  • Season 1 Episode 9: Phase One, Complete

    Jake gets close to one of Charlie's girlfriends, but when his uncle declares he will not be seeing her again, the youngster decides to make him suffer. However, a chance encounter with the woman puts Charlie firmly in his place. Meanwhile, Alan and Rose strike up a friendship through Scrabble

  • Season 1 Episode 8: Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without A Snoot-Ful

    Charlie goes along to Jake's parents' evening with hopes of seducing the teacher. However, he ends up in control of the school music show and takes charge of a class full of kids - who promptly brand him a loser. Meanwhile, Judith ruins Alan's hopes of patching up their marriage

  • Season 1 Episode 7: If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    Judith worries when Jake draws an intimate picture of one of Charlie's friends as part of a school assignment, and confides all her neuroses in her reluctant brother-in-law. Meanwhile, Alan resolves to create a wholesome environment for his son. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen

  • Season 1 Episode 6: Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    Charlie teaches Jake to ignore unwanted female telephone callers, which backfires when Evelyn turns up unannounced. She drags him off to dinner with her new boyfriend and his daughter - who turns out to be one of the women Charlie has studiously avoided ringing. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen

  • Season 1 Episode 5: The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

    Charlie attends one of Jake's soccer games and ends up hitting it off with another player's mother. Meanwhile, Alan's attempt to help with the team's organisation leads to two women fighting over him. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones

  • Season 1 Episode 4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap

    Charlie's cleaning lady walks out in exasperation over the increasing demands being placed on her, so Alan offers to take over as housekeeper - but proves unsuited to the role. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer

  • Season 1 Episode 3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    Alan resolves to enjoy a weekend at Disneyland with his son - but when it goes spectacularly wrong, he settles for the company of Charlie and vast quantities of alcohol. The pair eventually decide to track down their mother and tell her what they think of her. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen

  • Season 1 Episode 2: Big Flappy B*******

    Jake entices a flock of seagulls into his room, while Charlie tries to persuade him to obey a few rules. Alan finds himself continually summoned to Judith's house to do odd jobs. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones

  • Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

    Charlie Harper is shocked when his brother leaves his wife and asks to move in with him - with his son in tow. Initially reluctant to take in the new arrivals, he soon warms to having them around when the boy displays an unexpected skill for poker and proves useful in attracting women