The Bernie Mac Show Episode Guide

Episode Guide

The Bernie Mac Show: Season 5 (2005 - 2006)

• Season 5 Episode 22: Bernie's Angels

  The kids' carelessness causes Bernie to have a near-death experience.

• Season 5 Episode 21: Growing Pains

  Bernie makes Vanessa prove she can manage her money.

• Season 5 Episode 20: Spinning Wheels

  Wanda's sister visits and wants to throw a roller-disco party for Wanda's birthday.

• Season 5 Episode 19: Never As Bad As the First Time

  Jordan dates a good-looking cheerleader, surprising everyone.

• Season 5 Episode 18: What Would Jason Do

  Bernie coaches Vanessa's prom date on how to win her heart.

• Season 5 Episode 17: Who's Your Mama

  Bryan moves in and strives to be a perfect housekeeper when Wanda leaves on a business trip.

• Season 5 Episode 16: Bar Mitzvah Crashers

  Bernie pushes Jordan to hang out with the new kid next door to expand his cultural horizons.

• Season 5 Episode 15: Fantasy Football

  Bernie and Jordan join a fantasy football league together, but differing philosophies on player picks soon come between them as Jordan eventually leaves Bernie to get a higher ranking.

• Season 5 Episode 14: An Exercise in Fertility

  Bernie and Wanda focus on having a baby, neglecting the children they already have.

• Season 5 Episode 13: Exercise in Fertility

  After several failed attempts, Bernie and Wanda realize that making a baby is harder than they thought, and Wanda begins to question their fertility.

• Season 5 Episode 12: Fumes of Détente

  When Wanda invites Tasha, Vanessa's best friend from Chicago, to stay with them, Bernie is worried he will have another difficult teen in his house.

• Season 5 Episode 11: Sorely Missed

  When Bernie and Wanda find themselves spending all of their time with the kids, Bernie decides they need some time alone.

• Season 5 Episode 10: Some Church Bull

  In an effort to bring family members closer together, Wanda insists they participate in the annual parish retreat organization.

• Season 5 Episode 9: Prison Break

  Bernie realizes his punishment system is no longer effective, so he puts the kids into a total lockdown.

• Season 5 Episode 8: Pop Pop Goes the Weasel

  When Bryana's father, Bryan (Anthony Anderson), visits, he threatens Bernie's relationship with Jordan and undermines Bernie's barbecuing techniques.

• Season 5 Episode 7: For Whom the Belt Tolls

  Wanda learns about Bernie's secret discipline-keeping device, and its power corrupts her.

• Season 5 Episode 6: Night of Terror

  While baby-sitting Bryana, Jordan watches a horror movie and scares himself into believing that zombies are trying to kill him and Bryana.

• Season 5 Episode 5: Car Wars

  Curtis offers to help fix Vanessa's new car, but Bernie thinks he has an ulterior motive.

• Season 5 Episode 4: The Big Payback

  When Bernie gives Vanessa money for school clothes, she decides to spend it all on an expensive pair of shoes.

• Season 5 Episode 3: Marathon Mac

  When Bernie agrees to participate in a celebrity marathon, Vanessa declares she will finish the race ahead of him.

• Season 5 Episode 2: Wrestling With a Sticky Situation

  When Jordan joins the wrestling team, he overeats and finds himself in a weight class in which he is outmatched.

• Season 5 Episode 1: Father Knows Best

  When a man arrives from Chicago claiming to be Bryana's father, Bernie is cautiously supportive.

The Bernie Mac Show: Season 4 (2004 - 2005)

• Season 4 Episode 16: Walk Like a Man

  Bernie sees children walking to school on their own and decides it is time for Jordan to do the same, despite Wanda's objections.

• Season 4 Episode 15: The Music Mac

  When Vanessa surprises everyone with her musical talent, Isaac Hayes offers Bernie advice on how to nurture it.

• Season 4 Episode 14: The Big Picture

  Jordan's prank anonymous phone calls have surprising consequences.

• Season 4 Episode 13: I Don't Wanna Be a Playa No More

  When Jordan develops a crush on a girl at school, Bernie takes it upon himself to teach Jordan how to be a 'player' and get the girl.

• Season 4 Episode 12: You Got Served

  Bernie is sued for being a negligent parent after a birthday bash for Bryana results in broken bones.

• Season 4 Episode 11: You Don't Know Squad

  Vanessa tries to increase her chances of being accepted into a college by joining the drill team, which pleases Bernie until he sees one of the squad's provocative routines.

• Season 4 Episode 10: Manchild in Vanessa Land

  Bernie learns Vanessa has a boyfriend, Rahim, who is 18 years old, but when he discovers that the teen has a child, he hits the ceiling.

  Next on: Wednesday 9th December 3:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 9: Jack & Jacqueline

  Wanda urges Vanessa to join an enrichment organization she once belonged to, but they learn times have changed when Vanessa and her new friends are charged with shoplifting.

  Next on: Wednesday 9th December 3:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 8: Stone Nuts

  Jordan tries to fit in with the popular crowd and, after taking Bernie's advice, winds up losing his lunch money in a poker game.

  Next on: Tuesday 8th December 3:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 7: Nerdy Mac

  Bryana's standardized test scores prompt Bernie to send her to Jordan's school, but she is so far behind that they threaten to move her back a grade.

• Season 4 Episode 6: Who Gives This Bride

  Bernie's sister, Benita, announces her plans to elope in Las Vegas, and Wanda offers her the Mac residence as a wedding site.

  Next on: Tuesday 8th December 3:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 5: My Privacy

  Bernie realizes Bryana and Jordan are too old to share a room, so he moves her in with Vanessa, who is less than thrilled.

  Next on: Monday 7th December 1:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 4: Mac Overdrive

  Bernie has no patience when trying to teach Vanessa to drive.

  Next on: Monday 7th December 1:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 3: Being Bernie Mac

  Bernie must baby-sit for Bryana and deal with Jordan, who was sent home from school for pulling a fire alarm unnecessarily.

  Next on: Friday 4th December 3:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 2: Stiff Upper Lip

  Bernie decides Bryana is too old for training wheels, but her first lesson without them proves to be disastrous.

  Next on: Friday 4th December 3:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 4 Episode 1: Big Brother

  Bernie resorts to spying when he decides Vanessa is being secretive about her activities, but his security cameras pick up more than he bargained for.

  Next on: Thursday 3rd December 4:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.

The Bernie Mac Show: Season 3 (2003 - 2004)

• Season 3 Episode 22: Thanksgiving

  Bernie has to put his foot down after Mr. Diggs, Vanessa's teacher, persuades her to become a vegetarian.

• Season 3 Episode 21: Go Bernie, It's Your Birthday

  On Bernie's 40th birthday, he is electrically shocked by an old lady and forced to be a clown at a children's party.

  Next on: Thursday 3rd December 4:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 20: Five Stages of Bryana

  Bernie and Wanda seek a child therapist's help in figuring out why Bryana has become a bully; Wanda winds up caring for a guinea pig Bernie bought for Bryana.

  Next on: Wednesday 2nd December 3:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 19: The Talk

  Bernie stops by the Playboy Mansion to get advice from Hugh Hefner on how to talk to Jordan about sex.

  Next on: Wednesday 2nd December 3:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 18: That Old Mac Magic

  'American Idol' judges Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson critique Bernie's performance in a commercial.

  Next on: Tuesday 1st December 2:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 17: Mac-Inations

  Neighbor Carl Reiner plays the ultimate practical joke on Bernie.

  Next on: Tuesday 1st December 1:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 16: Who's That Lady

  Dr. Phil McGraw counsels Bernie on how to deal with Wanda, who feels left out after Bernie and the guys draft a woman (Mo'Nique) into their group.

  Next on: Monday 30th November 4:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 15: Easy Rider

  A motorcycle accident changes Bernie's perspective about protecting the kids; Jordan is caught trying to sell Bernie's girlie magazines to other boys at school.

  Next on: Monday 30th November 4:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 14: The Getaway

  The family goes to San Diego for a relaxing vacation; Bernie, unable to relax, goes to Las Vegas for some gambling and debauchery.

  Next on: Monday 30th November 2:30pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 13: It's Mac-ademic

  Bernie volunteers as a teacher's helper to assess the teaching methods used at Bryana's school; Wanda is at wits' end trying to reason with Vanessa and Jordan.

  Next on: Monday 30th November 2:00pm EST - FX Networks Inc.
• Season 3 Episode 12: Saving Sergeant Tompkins

  Bernie decides to be less than truthful so that Jordan will think well of his father.

  Next on: Tuesday 1st December 1:00pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 3 Episode 11: Make Room for Caddy

  Despite Bernie's offer to buy him a car, Wanda's father cannot get along with him; flashbacks show when they all met.

  Next on: Monday 30th November 1:00pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 3 Episode 10: J-O-R-D-A-N Spells Fun

  Jordan tries comedy as a way of overcoming stage fright; Vanessa makes a documentary about her home life.

• Season 3 Episode 9: Droobie or Not Droobie

  Bryana is upset when Bernie takes a villainous role opposite her favorite character, a friendly dinosaur (David Faustino); Jordan sells candy bars at school.

• Season 3 Episode 8: Family Reunion

  Relatives pester Bernie at a family barbecue; Bernie quashes Vanessa's flirtation with a distant cousin.

  Next on: Monday 30th November 2:30am EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 3 Episode 7: It's a Wonderful Wife

  Wanda disrupts Bernie's writing process as he prepares for an appearance on 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show.'

• Season 3 Episode 6: Love Bug

  Bernie tries to scare away Vanessa's new boyfriend, but realizes what a good role model he is for Jordan; Wanda has trouble letting go of her old shoes.

• Season 3 Episode 5: Hair Jordan

  Bernie takes Jordan to his favorite barbershop, but the owner (Charlie Robinson) throws them out; Wanda and the girls try to change the batteries in a smoke detector.

• Season 3 Episode 4: Laughing Matters

  Bernie turns to Angela Bassett for acting advice when he lands a dramatic role as a stroke victim; Jordan leads a revolt at a day care facility; Vanessa pretends to be poor.

• Season 3 Episode 3: Road to Tradition

  When the children become obsessed with gifts, Bernie decides to cancel Christmas altogether; Wanda loses the Christmas spirit when she tries to get everyone on her staff a gift.

• Season 3 Episode 2: Love Thy Nephew

  When a litigious neighbor (Greg Germann) asks Bernie to tear down the treehouse he built for Jordan, it leads to an all-night standoff.

• Season 3 Episode 1: Eye of the Tiger

  Jordan tries out for the basketball team, but the coach decides he is better suited for gymnastics -- as a ribbon dancer.

The Bernie Mac Show: Season 2 (2002 - 2003)

• Season 2 Episode 22: For a Few Dollars More

  Bernie decides to throw a party to celebrate Jordan's 10th birthday - but must compete with one of his nephew's schoolfriends, who appears to be having a more interesting bash on the same day. Last in series, starring Bernie Mac and Kellita Smith

• Season 2 Episode 21: Meet the Grandparents

  Wanda's mother and father visit the McColloughs, and Bernie hopes they'll take the chance to develop a relationship with their grandchildren - but instead, the couple begin criticising their parenting skills. Bernie Mac and Kellita Smith star

• Season 2 Episode 20: The Other Sister

  Bernie's free-spirited sister causes chaos in the Mac household, turning Bryana into a black activist and giving Jordan an unhealthy obsession as she watches her walk around the house in her robe. Comedy, starrring Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith

• Season 2 Episode 19: Nut Job

  Bernie encourages the kids to take up new hobbies, but ends up getting dragged into helping them, leaving him with precious little time to himself

• Season 2 Episode 18: Maid Man

  Bernie hires a maid, who the kids take much delight in ordering around. However, things soon change when he leaves his new helper in charge

• Season 2 Episode 17: The Incredible Bulk

  Wanda is driven to distraction when Bernie starts buying all his favourite things in bulk. Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith star

• Season 2 Episode 16: Chess Wars

  Bernie tries to use the principles of chess to find out exactly what his children want - but isn't happy to learn Jordan's desires. Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith star

• Season 2 Episode 15: Pink Gold

  The comedian succumbs to the green-eyed monster when Chris Rock is given preferential treatment at the doctor's and his poker buddies treat him like a god. Guest starring Jay Leno, with Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith

• Season 2 Episode 14: Leaving Los Angeles

  Bernie delays his Las Vegas flight to take the children to the movies as promised; Bryanna and Jordan sneak out of a G-rated movie to watch more-exciting fare.

• Season 2 Episode 13: Raging Election

  Bernie drives himself to exhaustion as he helps Vanessa run for class president while building a very detailed model for Jordan - which ends up bursting into flames

• Season 2 Episode 12: Magic Jordan

  Jordan attempts to impress one of Vanessa's friends by using daring and perplexing feats of magic. Starring Bernie Mac and Jeremy Suarez

• Season 2 Episode 11: Bernie Mac - Rope-a-Dope

  Wanda's boss invites the couple round for dinner, but Bernie has trouble making adult conversation. Meanwhile, Vanessa finds babysitting the children more trouble than she anticipated. Guest starring Wesley Snipes

• Season 2 Episode 10: Sin Cup

  American comedy about a stand-up comedian who volunteers to look after his sister's kids while she takes time off from the pressures of parenthood. Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith star

• Season 2 Episode 9: The Sweet Life

  Bernie reluctantly goes on a diet when his doctor diagnoses him with high cholesterol. However, his new neighbour reckons his problems have an entirely different cause - one which healthy living will only make worse. Don Rickles guest stars

• Season 2 Episode 8: The United Front

  Bernie persuades Wanda to be tougher with the kids, but she doesn't like the way they respond

• Season 2 Episode 7: Tryptophan-tasy

  Bernie decides the best way to ensure he gets enough meat at Thanksgiving is to cook his own turkey - but thanks to Jordan, the bird comes out a little underdone

• Season 2 Episode 6: Bernie Mac Dance Party

  Vanessa reluctantly asks Bernie to come to a father-daughter dance with her - and promptly ditches him on arrival

• Season 2 Episode 5: Welcome to the Jungle

  Bryana decides she wants her own pet when Jordan has to look after a snake as part of his homework. Guest starring wildlife expert Jules Sylvester

• Season 2 Episode 4: Mac Local 137

  The kids go on strike after Bernie makes them work hard cleaning up the mess they've made, forcing the comedian to hire outside labour in the shape of other children from the neighbourhood

• Season 2 Episode 3: Carfool

  Jordan repeatedly teases an unpopular classmate on the way to school, so Bernie tries to make amends by forcing him to befriend the youngster

• Season 2 Episode 2: Goodbye Dolly

  Bernie is concerned about Bryana's reaction when she loses her doll during a day out at the beach. Worried she is too attached to it, he vows to wean her off the favourite toy - and suggests Jordan destroy it. Guest starring Ice Cube

• Season 2 Episode 1: Keep It on the Short Grass

  Bernie and Wanda agree to team up and take part in a charity golf event, but the comedian gets serious when he is pitted against his Ocean's Eleven co-star Matt Damon and actress Lucy Lawless, who guest star as themselves

The Bernie Mac Show: Season 1 (2001 - 2002)

• Season 1 Episode 22: Sweet Home Chicago : Part Two

  Part two. Bernie deals with his uncle's death on an emotional return to Chicago, and discovers his deceased relative has left him interesting information, while Vanessa finds her old friends don't appreciate her new wealth. Last in series

• Season 1 Episode 21: Sweet Home Chicago : Part One

  Part one of two. Bernie faces an emotional reunion as the family gather in Chicago to mourn the death of his uncle, while Vanessa is depressed to learn her old friends don't accept her now that she has moved and become wealthy. Comedy, guest starring Don Cheadle

• Season 1 Episode 20: Kelly's Heroes

  A friend comes to stay with Bernie and the family until he gets over the trauma of a failed relationship, but soon outstays his welcome and causes friction in the household. Sitcom, starring Bernie Mac and Kellita Smith

• Season 1 Episode 19: Secrets and Lies

  The family learn that honesty is the best policy when their constant lies ensnare them in a complex web of deceit. Comedy, starring Bernie Mac, Kelita Smith and Camille Winbush

  Next on: Wednesday 9th December 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 18: Stop Having Sex

  Bernie tries to protect the children from the perils of growing up, but begins to realise he's invading their personal space in the process. Comedy, starring Bernie Mac

  Next on: Tuesday 8th December 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 17: If I Were N-Riched Man

  The Mac family get a visit from Social Services, who have been contacted by the school about Bryana's frequent use of inappropriate language

  Next on: Monday 7th December 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 16: Mac 101

  Bernie tries to make each of the kids talented in a different field, forcing Bryanna to speak Spanish, making Jordan learn the piano, and telling Vanessa she has to do better at maths : but needless to say, his efforts arouse strong opposition. Sitcom, starring Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith

  Next on: Friday 4th December 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 15: Lock Down

  A break-in prompts Bernie to turn the house into a high-security compound, but it isn't long before he starts driving the family crazy with his overprotectiveness and constant worrying. Comedy, starring Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith

  Next on: Thursday 3rd December 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 14: Back in the Day

  Bernie realises that age is starting to catch up with him, and resolves to fight back against the encroaching years by trying to act young again. Unfortunately, his efforts only make matters worse. Comedy, starring Bernie Mac

  Next on: Wednesday 2nd December 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 13: Handle Your Business

  Bernie appears on an early morning radio show and he decides to use family issues as comedy material: but quickly manages to offend all his friends in the process

  Next on: Tuesday 1st December 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 12: Hall of Fame

  Jordan ignores his distinct lack of footballing talent and signs up for the school team, hoping to gain a place in Bernie's Hall of Fame. Bernie Mac stars

  Next on: Monday 30th November 1:30pm EST - KCOP UPN 13 (MyNetworkTV)
• Season 1 Episode 11: The King and I

  Wanda and Bernie upset Vanessa by failing to show up for an important gymnastics competition, and try to make amends by clearing out the office and transforming it into a new bedroom for her. Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith star

• Season 1 Episode 10: Wanda's Week Off

  Wanda takes a week off work and spends time getting closer to the kids, leaving her feeling broody and in the mood for love

• Season 1 Episode 9: Hot Hot Hot

  On a sweltering day, Bernie attempts to escape the heat by taking the kids to a water park : but their rowdy behaviour quickly makes him lose his cool. Bernie Mac stars

• Season 1 Episode 8: Starting School

  Stand-up comedian Bernie prepares the kids for their first day at school - and soon finds himself way out of his depth. Bernie Mac stars

• Season 1 Episode 7: A Christmas Story

  Bernie finds a dog and decides it would make an ideal Christmas gift for the children - little suspecting they're already planning on presenting it to him as a seasonal thank you for looking after them. Comedy, starring Bernie Mac

• Season 1 Episode 6: Here to Stay

  Wanda issues Bernie with an ultimatum, hoping he'll start treating the kids as part of the family rather than diminutive room-mates. Bernie Mac stars

• Season 1 Episode 5: Saving Bernie Mac

  Bernie takes the kids to church in a bid to teach them the value of discipline, but later has to cope with the local bishop and deacon asking if they can use his house for bible study. Bernie Mac stars

• Season 1 Episode 4: Bernie Mac, Ladies' Man

  Bernie proves a big success with the mothers at the kids' play group but ends up becoming defensive about his masculinity while Wanda entertains their children for an afternoon

• Season 1 Episode 3: The Main Event

  Bernie gives Jordan lessons in self-defence, only to see the youngster turn into a bully, forcing him to re-evaluate his own menacing ways. Bernie Mac stars

• Season 1 Episode 2: Now You Got It

  Bernie comes down with a cold just as he's about to embark on a wild trip to Vegas, and finds himself forced to stay at home with Bryana while his friends have a good time without him. Bernie Mac stars

• Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

  Pilot episode of the comedy, following a stand-up funnyman who volunteers to look after his sister's kids while she takes time off from the pressures of parenthood. Bernie Mac and Kelita Smith star