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Lifetime's courtship of William and Kate movie serves up royal wedding pre-nup

by on April 17th 2011 at 10:07 pm

Acting out as Will & Kate/Lifetime photo

A pretty big wedding is coming soon. Perhaps you've heard of it.

Television's gang coverage of the April 29th I do's between Prince William and Kate Middleton gets going in earnest this week with a suitably cuddly little Lifetime network movie.

William & Kate, premiering Monday, April 18th, stars two relative unknowns in the title roles, with Ben Cross of Chariots of Fire fame chipping in as Prince Charles even though he looks nothing at all like him.

Queen Elizabeth is left out, by the way. As is Prince Charles' second wife, Camilla Parker-Bowles, save for a brief mention near movie's end. The late Princess Diana is shown for just a few seconds worth of archival footage, with William vowing to his dad that "I will never allow someone I love to be treated how my mother was treated."

William and Kate respectively are played by Nico Evers-Swindell (the now defunct Guiding Light and guest appearances in various crime series) and Camilla Luddington (the soon to be defunct Days of Our Lives and guest appearances in various crime series). Both acquit themselves reasonably well under the circumstances in a film that includes scenes such as William making a mess of a lasagna recipe and Kate promenading down a runway in a fashion show nightie that prompts her future fiance to first take note of her hotness.

There are a few bedroom scenes, but no depictions of anything sexual between the sheets. The two principals  instead talk about their future together, with William promising that "nothing will come between us" after their same-year graduations from Scotland's prestigious University of St. Andrews.

"You promise?" she asks.

"I promise," he vows. But the tabloids, his royal duties and just a bit of a wandering eye render this a vow he can't entirely keep. Humiliated by "Waitie Katie" headlines and William's off-and-on availability, Kate at last becomes royally fed up when William says he plans to spend three more years in military training. He's pretty snippy about it, too, prompting Kate to lament being a "prisoner in my own flat" before ordering a halt to the vehicle they're sharing.

"You want freedom?" she blares. "You want space? You've got it!"

"Get back in the car, Kate" he orders. "C'mon!"

You go, girl. And this movie of course is aimed at Lifetime's target audience of women viewers, meaning that William isn't likely to be garnering much sympathy until he finally wises up and admits he's been "stupid and immature."

It's tempting to envision the real-life William and Kate laughing hysterically at their made-for-TV movie depictions. But they've likely got a few more important things taking up their days and nights as the countdown to the big day accelerates into over-drive.

William  & Kate also has a bit part for Victoria Tennant as a stern royal manners instructor named Celia. Once upon a time the London native was married to comedian Steve Martin and starring in two mega- ABC miniseries, The Winds of War and its sequel, War and Remembrance. In this outing, she pops in to haughtily show Kate how to properly curtsey and keep her knees together while exiting from autos.

Cross is still in there punching, with a role as the emperor Tiberius in ABC's upcoming remake of Ben-Hur and a supporting role as Sarek in the well-received 2009 Star Trek feature film. But his role as Prince Charles is pretty much a throwaway in a movie that paints by the numbers before serving up its requisite fairytale ending.

In this case, that's William on bended knee with ring in hand, and Kate happily nodding her assent. Her real-life ascent to Princess Kate is coming soon to multiple TV screens around the world.

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