Cloris didn't bore us (but what the deuce was she talking about?)

Cloris Leachman at the TCA/Fox photo

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. -- Nine Emmy awards later -- the most ever for an actress -- 84-year-old Cloris Leachman is taking on another showy role as a great grandma known as "Maw Maw" in the Fox fall sitcom Raising Hope.

As anyone who watched her on Dancing with the Stars knows, Leachman is not known for reticence or, in some cases, lucidity. So here we go with this verbatim exchange between this relatively innocent locatetv.com bystander (heretofore known as "Me") and an actress who used him as a pinata during the very early stages of Fox's Raising Hope interview session.

Me: This is for Cloris Leachman.

CL: She left. (laughter) She had lunch first. Then she left.

Me: I'm way over here if you want to make eye contact.

CL: Could you stand, please, and say your name? Stand up, please.

Me: Hi.

CL: What's your name?

Me: I'm Ed.

CL: Who?

Me: Ed

CL: Ed?

Me: Ed

CL: Ed? (laughter) Sit down, Ed. (laughter) Next question. I'm not comfortable here. I have to sit near you or I won't be happy.

Leachman proceeds to take her microphone off and switch chairs on a ballroom stage while Raising Hope's executive producer, Greg Garcia, cracks, "When the music stops, you have to be in a chair." Then it's back to Square One.

CL: Ed, the next guy left, so you have to ask your question. Stand up, please.

Me: Seriously?

CL: Get up.

Me: All right. Yes, ma'am.

CL: Take a breath and just relax. (Garcia then interjects, "This is why I told the studio we need 14 hours a day to shoot.")

Me: I'm afraid this question is going to be entirely fruitless. You're going to answer however you want. Can I sit down?

CL: No. You stand and ask the question.

Me: Make sure you make everyone else stand, too. Anyway, your character in this program seems to sort of drift in and out of senility, which I don't think you're doing onstage, but . . . (laughter)

CL: That wasn't funny. He was not funny.

Me: But are you hoping to get a little bit more to do in future episodes?

CL: No. I just love it like this.

Me: To sort of parade around in your bra?

CL: I like to stand near him when he's just about to enter in the kitchen while she's putting out some dreadful, but carefully picked out, frozen food for the rest of them. What was the question?

Producer Garcia again steps in: "We have lots of fun stuff planned for Cloris' character. She's not just going to be in and out of being lucid. There's a lot of fun stuff, and we find out some history of her character. And we're going to find some really fun stuff for her to do."

CL: Did you sit down yet?

Me: Yes.

CL: Thank God.

One more thing. Several minutes later, a fellow TV writer asked Leachman, "Are you competing with Betty White to be the new 'It' girl for AARP?"

"I'm so sick of Betty White," Leachman riposted. "Never liked her. We have a movie coming out that we made together. It's called You Again."

"We gotta get Betty White on a future episode," said Raising Hope co-star Garret Dillahunt.

"Wouldn't that be funny?" Leachman asked.

"Yeah," said Garcia. "We're working on a lesbian episode."

Thanks. You've been a great audience.