Author Archive
Diary of a Vampire - Day 3, January 13 2011
by Phil on January 14th 2011 at 4:44 pm
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Blade is the scariest film I have ever seen. After seeing twilight, I assumed a broadly sympathetic, if sickly and cringe-worthy, view of vampires as a species. I can scarcely believe that only a few years prior, a group of film makers would produce something that shows my race with such vitriol and hatred, brutally murdered in a series of genocidal rampages purely for the so-called crime of feeding on human blood. However, in-spite of seeing my kin destroyed for entertainment, the thing that really annoyed me about this film was the lead character’s sword....
Diary of a Vampire - Day 2, January 12 2011
by Phil on January 12th 2011 at 4:58 pm
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Boris Bishop
Today, my morning began with an upbeat stroll and a visit to an Italian establishment that served coffee. Having collected some modern money as a fee for publishing my diary on Locatetv.com, I was keen to spend it on something exciting, so tried something called a “double-haselnut Latte with cream” after a waitress refused to dilute an espresso for me with half a pint of her own blood. Alas…this modern world is not as liberal as I first had hoped.
An hour and a trip to an “electronics shop” later, I was home with a “TV”, a “Sky box” and a “Blackberry”, which the shop assistant suggested I call the “Bat-berry”. I told the shop assistant that he wasn’t funny. I was encouraged to also buy a “Blue Ray”, but I declined on this front as I don’t eat sea-food...
Diary of a Vampire - Day 1, January 11 2011
by Phil on January 12th 2011 at 9:20 am
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LocateTV has discovered the curious Boris Bishoptree on Twitter (Twitter.com/DiaryofaVamp) -- a man claiming to be an immortal vampire having woken up after 200 years of hibernation. Certain questions have to be asked about the validity of the man's claims, such as: how did he manage to learn how to use computers and become proficient in social networking within hours of awakening? But Boris has agreed, for a small fee, to allow LocateTV to publish daily excerpts from his diary, detailing the daily activities and opinions of a real life vampire... Day 2: http://www.locatetv.com/blog/diary-of-a-vampire-january-12-2011/ Day 3: http://www.locatetv.com/blog/diary-of-a-vampire-day-3-january-13-2011/
Bah, Humbug! A Guide to the Perfect Christmas for Scrooges.
by Phil on December 24th 2010 at 4:34 pm
Have you had enough? Is it all just a bit much? Is there actually any point? Like me, are you beginning to resent Christmas? Does the appearance of a shop assistant in a novelty, garishly coloured, impractical hat fill you with a sense of loathing and the temptation to engage in a selection of activities involving an angle-grinder and hammer commonly referred to as vandalism? For those of us who felt that the character Ebenezer Scrooge became less likable through the progression of A Christmas Carol, this is unquestionably the worst time of year. If you're beginning to resent the… read more »
SeeSaw Advent Calendar...18 and 19 December 2010
by Phil on December 18th 2010 at 11:21 am
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It’s the weekend before Christmas and TV on demand site, www.seesaw.com, are continuing to offer the best treats behind the windows of their advent calendar countdown. For today only, Saturday 15th December, the entire oeuvre of Dr. Gregory House is on display at a reduced price, ranging from 99p to £1.19 for episodes, and £7.99 to £9.99 to rent entire seasons. Get your gloves off, type in www.seesaw.com, sit back and revel in Hugh Laurie's masterful portrayal of the curmudgeonly American diagnostician. Click here to be watch House at SeeSaw. Then on Sunday 16th, it's comedy galore as every episode of My… read more »
